Posterous theme by Cory Watilo

Stumbling Back Home 'Offloaded'


A posterous for collecting things on my Journey of Stumbling Back Home.

Where have I been? Been grieving. :-(

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Just a quick update.  I lost my mom about a week ago.  She passed from us, right before her 84th birthday.  She called 911 that Friday AM, because she "didn't feel right".  She was down when Medic One got there.  

She was transported to Swedish Hospital - Neuro ICU unit.  She never woke up again after the initial stroke.  I guess I can be happy that here wish was fulfilled that "If she dies, she wants to die at home".  In her awareness that's exactly what happened.  She was on a breathing support system when we got there.  Over the next 24 hours, her condition deteriorated further.

Saturday night - she had another big stroke and they could not manage the pressures any longer.  She had explicitly noted that a DNR was signed and to followed.  The doctors said that once the breathing support were to be removed - it could be minutes, hours or days because she was sort of breathing on her own and comfort care would begin at that time.

We all knew better.  Mom was ready.  She didn't want to be kept around, that way and we all agreed that to follow her wishes was the best thing.

I prayed over her, and my sister blessed her forehead with Lourdes water. - I hope that St. Cabrini, St. Therese and the Blessed Mother - all helped her along to our Father's loving embrace.

R.I.P. Mom.  We all miss you.

Happy New Year to Everyone!

I'm making a quick blog post, just to wish everyone a Safe, Happy, Blessed, Prosperous and healthy: NEW YEAR 2012.

I hope that all who fight addictions can find their way past this evening, to peace and health this year.

I pray that your faith will be deepened, and you find yourself walking closer with our Lord and Holy Mother.

If you make any new year's resolutions, here is a raised coffee cup to your success in hitting most of them!

Here are mine.. Briefly:

  1. Write every day
  2. Walk every day
  3. Practice Tai Chi /Qi Gong daily
  4. Increase my practice of faith
  5. Give love
  6. Try to lose 40#
That's about it. Please continue with your regularly scheduled festivities.

Pax Vobis+

Road to Carmel to be Postponed for a while...

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By way of full disclosure, I state that I'm a secular Carmelite in my bio.  That means I'm not part of the OCDS yet.  I do belong to the Guild of Carmel that the Carmelite monks of Wyoming have, but it's not a third order secular.

So you could say I'm a Carmelite in Spirit. :-)

Lately I've been feeling a stirring, maybe a calling to do more.  I've been in discernment for the OCDS* for the past few months. The formation process has not yet begun.

I had been moved to begin my discernment after some moving prayer sessions. The call was coming to me. Or was it?

The truth is that I have way too much work to do on me. It would not be fair or right to begin working with this group of Carmelite Seculars.  Why? One reason because I don't even have the basics of my faith worked out yet.  Things like getting to Mass regularly for starters.  Perhaps helping out around my parish too?  Not a lot.

I do my daily prayers consistently.  The Divine Office, Novenas, and The Rosary.  For some reason I don't get my self out on Sundays.  I tried going to a couple of weekday Masses, but I fail at making that happen regularly too.  I will keep trying.

Mostly though, I have to focus on my mundane life.  I've had a *LOT* of time to build a good prayer life, experience contemplation, and do spiritual exercises and reading.  Unfortunately, I'm reaching the end of my UI benefits and I have to get going on something.  Anything.

Finding meaningful work, being the most important.  I believe that finding meaningful work, is a Calling from God as well. Perhaps I need to follow it?  I have been praying so hard; for help that God will show me his will in what I'm supposed to do.  It's been a long road.  A test of faith.

I've been reading this book 'Welcome to the Secular Order of Discalced Carmelites' By Fr. Aloysius Deeney, O.C.D., and I credit the book for most of the reasoning behind my decision.  Formation is nothing to take lightly, as a casual club, or a pastime.  It's kind of all or nothing deal.  Bottom line, I'm just plain not ready. Yet.


I haven't given up.  Not by a long shot. I will continue my Journey to Carmel, when I feel I can give it the time, attention and energy that it deserves.  In the meantime there is a LOT more studying to do, and work to complete.  I'll be busy, working my way to the path with a goal and a purpose.  For this I'm grateful!


Pax Vobis and Merry Christmas!++

*OCDS = Order of Carmelites Discalced Secular

4th Week of Advent - Hope and Anticipation

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Here we are in the fourth and final week of Advent, 2011.

How has your Advent been for you?  Have you done everything you set out to do?  Is your family participating in nightly candle lighting and prayer time?  I sincerely hope you are happy.  It's so important to be consistent in practice.  I also hope you feel the same anticipation that I do!

Personally, while I may miss one or two nights a week, with dinner time candles and prayers, I am still happy.  I'm happy because I have a true and palpable anticipation of our Lord returning to us.  This would be a first for me!  

I find that I'm keeping Advent and Christ in mind and on my thoughts every day.  This is the first Advent I can remember feeling like this.  I'm grateful to God.

I am anxious for Christmas.  I hope your Advent is the same or better!

Pax Vobis and Merry Christmas!++

My Reflections on the 2nd Sunday of Advent

I missed going to mass last week, but today [Sunday] I did go.

It was my first time experiencing the new Missal changes. I also observed some interesting events occurring during the Mass.

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All in all, I have to say I like the Missal changes.  I think they are reverent and true.  I also like the fact that everyone, including Father, are all working so hard to work with the new changes.  It also forces all of us to pay more attention and be present at Mass.  I forgot my personal missal, so it was nice to have "cheat sheets' available.  I thought I did okay tracking most of the new changes. That is, until the "Invitation to Communion".  I felt like the only one who was saying the old version response and falling on my face. I don't think I was really the only one though.  If anyone noticed, I wasn't aware of it.

The mass was powerful to me.  The Holy Spirit was really moving among us.  Father Tim was very animated and "fired-up" in his presiding over Mass and his Homily.  It was a good time then, for Catholic Community Services to come up and talk about their good works.  We use the 2nd Sunday of Advent for this special Collection to help support the poor and disadvantaged.  To hear a story of how one family's life was changed by the help CCC provided to them, was truly heartwarming and inspiring.

Probably the most significant sign for me that the Holy Spirit was  present; each of the Eucharistic Minister's faces were brightly lit in different colors from the stained glass.  It was if the light of Christ was blazing fourth in those moments of Communion.  It was the most powerful vision I've ever experienced.  I was moved beyond words.

Sure you could say it was the sunshine.  I believe it was the light of "THE SON".  I thank GOD for blessing me with such a moving example of his love and comfort.

Someone told me one time, and it was repeated by Dr. Tom Curran a few weeks ago; you only get FROM the Mass, if you put in to the Mass.  It's so true.  Making the effort to really PRAY The Mass, will return graces beyond measure.

PAX VOBIS+

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